when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
