i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
