"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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