its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
