Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
