Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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