its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
