Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
