Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
