you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
