The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
