what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
