So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
