If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
