i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize