wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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