I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
