it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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