i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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