it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
