Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
