dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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