Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
