Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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