Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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