Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All the doctor said was why
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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