i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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