Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
