I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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