Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
one might say we're banned from that church
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
