honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
