also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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