fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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