i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
