you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
