Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
