if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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