Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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