what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
