oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
