I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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