Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
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Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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