My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
