you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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