Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
