Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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