just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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