YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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