i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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