As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
