My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
