Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
People in love make me want to vomit
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
