In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have tasted many bathrooms
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
