I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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