Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
