direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
