I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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