I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
