i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
