rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
