I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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