You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
