Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Randomize
