I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
