ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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