Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
