I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just cropdusted the office
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
