so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize