Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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