where am i from again
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
