Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
