Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is that strawberry winking at me??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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