don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
