Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
