Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Define "chronic" masturbator.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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