Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
