she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
