Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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