Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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