It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
